Clit Notes

I’ve been thinking a lot about my clit.

As I play with more new partners, I continue to search for the best words and images to help them understand what I like best, what actually brings me to orgasm. When I was a little girl, long before I knew what I was doing, I masturbated by squeezing my legs together, one leg wrapped around the other. As I matured, I tried other methods, turning household objects into sex toys, using my fingers, but I always returned to squeezing my legs in increasing pulses of muscle clenches. It always delivered that amazing feeling that I was wanted.

When I started playing with partners, I enjoyed everything we did: finger fucking, oral sex, penis/vagina intercourse, but none of these things brought me to that place that I could achieve so easily just by squeezing my legs together. When a partner would pay special attention to my clit, sometimes it felt great, but sometimes it was painfully ticklish, and I would wind up pushing them away, not knowing how to guide them. I began to analyze what I was feeling when I squeezed my legs together. How could I figure out how to show my partners how to get me off? I believed strongly that I deserved orgasms as part of partner sex, but I just didn’t know what worked, other than this obviously solo game of leg squeezing. I worked more with my fingers, messaging my clit, fucking myself with my fingers, and I bought my first vibrator. I quickly found that fucking myself with the vibrator felt great, but it wouldn’t bring me to orgasm. But if I clutched the vibrator between my legs, near, but not directly on, my clit, I could jerk myself off very easily. I realized that what I needed was strong pressure around my clit, but not directly on it. The pulse of the vibrator, or of my clenching and unclenching legs, provided exactly that.

As I began to play with my beloved C, and sex became more adventurous and fun than ever, he helped me with my exploration. I could tell him when the touch was too direct, and it made me uncomfortable rather than hot, and he would adjust until he found the right spot. I discovered that I loved the combination of penetration and clitoral simulation: his fingers fucking me, his thumb, sometimes joined by my fingers, rubbing that area above my clit.

I owe a lot to Ducky Doolittle, the amazing sex educator and former web cam girl. This is why you should continue going to great sex ed classes throughout your life. I thought I knew so much, but she was the first one to really explain the full extent of the clitoral anatomy: legs, shaft, hood, and all. I found this video link on Ducky’s site, from the legendary queen of masturbation Betty Dodson (and via Susie Sexpert herself, Susie Bright). This explains it much better than I could. I love these women! This diagram from wikipedia is also helpful.

Now I had a visual image of the internal anatomy of pleasure, and I could really begin to understand what was happening and what was working. I rub the area just above my clit, from the edge of the hood, up into my pubic mound. Throughout that area I can feel my erect clitoral shaft, and directly simulating that is what leads me most satisfyingly to orgasm. If I place the head of my Hitachi Magic Wand against that area, turn it up to full, and press down hard, I can orgasm in a minute. Not to say I’m always striving for such instantaneous efficiency in an orgasm, but knowing how that works helps me in other situations. I can create this stimulation with my fingers too, or someone else’s, if guided to the right spot.

Recently, I was playing with a lovely partner, and he’d fucked me good and hard with a couple of fingers, made me squirt and squeal. Then he bathed me with the warmth of his tongue, and I floated in the bliss of that. But then I wanted a mind-blowing clitoral orgasm to top off the night. He’s such a good student, this one. I showed him, simply, where to rub. People came running from the other playroom down the hall to watch the aftermath as I moaned and screamed with pleasure. So simple. Yet so infinitely complicated. Every woman different…

To be continued.

Don’t Miss CineKink

For those of you in NYC, your chance to see the best kinky and alt-sex films is coming up. CineKink: The really alternative film festival is back for #5! These films are hot, interesting, thought-provoking, and, did I mention hot! Highlights include parties, NY and US premieres, and discussions with filmmakers. I’m particularly looking forward to the following panel:

“Women Behind The Lens” – Panel Discussion: Whether they call their work erotica, pornography or adult entertainment, a growing number of female directors have been carving out key positions for themselves in the adult sector of the film production world.

A panel of these directors will discuss their roles within the industry and the individual approach each takes in depicting sexuality on screen. How does each reconcile the creative work they do with a feminist viewpoint? What are the ingredients of a truly hot sex scene? Is spit really an effective form of lubricant? Additional questions from the audience will be encouraged and film clips will be shown!

Moderated by Rachel Kramer Bussel, panelists to date include Shine L. Houston, Audacia Ray and Julie Simone.

Tickets

Ticket prices for each regular screening program are $10; $8 in advance; $6 students and seniors. Party prices vary. Admission is restricted to those 18 years of age and older for all screenings; 21 years and older w/ID for all parties.

Passes

A limited number of discounted CineKink NYC All-Access festival passes, covering admission to all 16 film programs, the kick-off party, the awards ceremony and the afterglow party, are available in advance for $85; $75 for members of any alternative sexuality organization; $60 for students and seniors. A pass to film screenings only, the CineKink NYC Film Pass, may be purchased in advance for $70; $60 for members of any alternative sexuality organization; $50 for students and seniors.

Purchase

Advance tickets and festival passes are available online via our CineKink NYC festival community on B-Side

Published in: on February 8, 2008 at 12:12 pm  Comments (3)  
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